My Midlife Experience

I started showing signs around the age of 42. That sense of being lost, even though you know where you are. Feeling like the clock was slowly ticking. You can see a life ahead, you just can't quite see what that life looks like.

It was a good life. Yes, my marriage could have been stronger, but we were a good team, and this was just another dip in the 'peaks and valleys' of a relationship.

 

The weight was slowly creeping on over the last few years. Most likely a sign I wasn't happy, though it had been something I struggled with all of my life.  I had been trying to take care of myself and was working out, and putting on muscle for the first time in my life. As I was bulking up, I was also getting fat.  I reached the point of "I am uncomfortable in my own skin" kind of fat, which was part of what pushed me into crisis mode when I hit 44 and 250lbs.

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I had felt stuck in a career I didn't love, by my own doing. I was too scared to make a move, and didn't know what that move would be. If I could get past the fear, I had no direction. What an amazing and perfectly crafted excuse to have, in order to stay exactly where I was! I can't fix my life, because I don't know what I want. So I guess I will just bide my time, probably forever.

I woke up one day, looked in the mirror and thought, "Who the fuck is this guy?" While staring at who I had become. "I just can't be him, for the rest of my life." This wasn't what I wanted anymore.  

 

The Epiphany, however it shows up, doesn't have to come from hitting rock bottom. It just has to evoke a desire for change. Plain and simple. I want more! I want change! This isn't the life I want, or the man I want to be, for the rest of my life. I was lost, with no sense of direction. I loved my family. I would have done anything for them. I couldn't say the same for what I would do for myself. It was always easier to focus on everyone else, instead of me.

So here it is: What if I had invested in myself, earlier and not let things go this far? What if I had valued my own personal growth, instead of using the happiness of everyone else as an excuse to put myself last.

I ignored my own needs, for years. When I was ready to take action, that is when my real journey started. Focusing on myself, made change possible. I didn't have to know where I was going, as long as I wasn't standing still. I yearned for movement. I had to step into a space of resourcefulness. Without realizing what I was doing, or even why, I was slowly creating the basis for a transformational program. Through trial and error I was testing the waters of discovering who I was. My midlife crisis allowed me to find a version of myself I longed for, as well as teaching me how I could help others.

 

Mine is only one version of what the midlife experience can feel like. There are an infinite number of ways to experience it. I didn't have a coach, so I figured most of it out by myself. But you don't have to go it alone. Not everyone has to have a midlife crisis, we can turn it into an experience for the better. If you feel a yearning to find direction, a sense of value, purpose or shift how you are experiencing life, it is time to consider investing in yourself
 

You can choose change, whenever you want.